The Good, the Bad, and the Twili
by Vaati's Apprentice
Summary: When Malon is mysteriously murdered, it's up to Link, Dark and Vaati to find the killer. Sequel to Fist Full of Rupees.


Well, I had so much fun writing Fist Full of Rupees that I decided to write another Zelda western. Be sure to tell me if you like it. I do not own the Legend of Zelda. If you havn't read Fist Full of Rupees, I suggest you do. You don't have to, but it might make this a little easier to understand. Now on to the fic!

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It was another fine day in the village of Kakarilda. Except for the sheriff. Ganondorf Dragdesert's rotting corpse was inside one of the cells of the jailhouse. Wich was also Link's office. He was going to bury it, but Mayor Daltus said that all villains needed to be put in the jailhouse.

Suddenly, Vaati burst through the door saying "Sheriff, thars an emergency!". "What, does Dark have his head stuck in a cactus patch againe?" Link asked. "No." Vaati said. "Ice chest?" Link asked. "No." Vaati said. "I know, it's in the tavern's piano." Link suggested. "No, it's in a window. But that's not why I'm here. Thar's been a murder... Malon's dead." Vaati said.

Vaati led Link out to the ranch on the outskirts of town. Malon was lying dead on her back. Dark was there too, standing over her with tears in his eyes. How he got his head out of the window so fast is a question for the ages. "Why did it have to be her and not somebody that I don't like, like that Ilia girl?" Dark said.

"Dark, did ya see what happened to Malon?" Link asked. "Yeah, I was doin my daily target practice. And Malon came to ask why I was shooting at her cows. Then this huge swarm of flesh eating locusts attacked her." Dark said.

"Uuh Dark, it doesn't look like her skin was eaten by locusts." Link said. "Oh right, she was really murdered by a tornado!" Dark said. "Dark, thar hasn't been a tornado here since... well, never." Link said.

"Right, she was actually hit by a train!" Dark said. "Thar's no railway anywhere near here." Vaati said.

"Actually, a giant bunny ate her. She tried to run, but... it could hop!" Dark sobbed.

"Enough, did y'all see what happened or not!?" Link asked, getting frustrated. "Well... no. She shoved my head into that window after I told her that I was using her cows fer target practice." Dark said.

"Uff'da." Link mumbled while rubbing his temples. "Hey Link, maybe this'll give us some clues." Vaati said, handing Link a piece of paper. "I found it on the ground near Malon's body." Vaati explained. Link read it out loud, here's what it said:

Dear Stupid Humans,

Y'all think yer all that and a bag o' manuer fer killin Ganondorf don't ya? Well he was just a pon in a bigger game. And y'all won't catch me, cause I got wind. I mean I'm like the wind, ya never know where I'll show up next. And I blow hard. And I can be cooling on a hot summer day... er, ya get the idea.

Signed, Pinhead Zant

"He's more of a pinhead than his name suggests. He wrote his secret hideout location and a list o' his fears on the back." Vaati said.

"Well if he didn't realize that, he's about to find out." Link said. "Saddle up boys, we're gonna kill ourselves a Twili!" Link said.

After riding through the desert, the trio found Pinhead Zant's secret hideout. Wich really wasn't that secret, considering that there was a giant sign outside that said "Secret hideout of Pinhead Zant.".

The three dismounted and grabbed their weapons. Link used dual six shooters. Dark used a bolt action rifle. And Vaati used a break action shotgun.

Weapons in hand, the three entered Pinhead Zant's "secret" lair. "So, you've finally arrived." a voice said. "Pinhead, come on out so we can shoot ya." Link said.

Torches lit the hideout and Pinhead Zant and his gang of Twili came into view. "Twili, ATTACK!!!" Zant yelled. The Twili did nothing. "Ahem... Twili, ATTACK!!!" Zant tried againe. The Twili still did nothing. "Twili... ATTACK, ATTACK, ATTACK!!!" Zant screamed at the top of his lungs.

This time the Twili said "aaauuuggghhh" then did nothing. "Argh, screw y'all. I'll do it myself." Pinhead Zant said, and pulled out his musket.

The trio scrambled for cover as Pinhead Zant fired at them. Eventually Dark landed a hit on Zant's shoulder, and he fell to the ground.

Dark walked up to Pinhead Zant and stuck the muzzle of his rifle in Zant's face. "I know what yer thinkin, did I fire four shots or ahundred and eighty seven? Well you gotta ask yerself one question. Are you feelin lucky, punk?" Dark said, before shooting Zant in the face.

"Nice work Dark." Vaati said, unloading his shotgun. And so, for the second time in two days, the town of Kakarilda were safe for another day.

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There it is, the second Zelda western. But dang, that was shorter than I thaught it would be. I hope you liked it. And I do plan to make another one.


End file.
